Love Essentially: Words no one wants to hear after a bad breakup

I’ll never forget how brokenhearted I was when a guy I was madly in love with broke up with me.

“It’s been three months and I feel like I should be in love with you, and I’m just not,” he said in a sad tone that sounded really rehearsed.

I was devastated. It was hard to get up every morning and go to work, I had no interest in doing anything but crying and eating ice cream every night, and when I looked in the mirror, all I could think of was, “Why didn’t he love me? I guess because I’m not good enough.”

I sought the comfort of my girlfriends, who would sit at Starbucks with me and try to say something to soothe my pain and put a smile on my face. Some of what I heard was helpful, but a few things my friends told me made me cringe. Here are 10 phrases that no brokenhearted person wants to hear fresh out of a relationship:

1. You’re going to be fine. Of course I’m going to be fine. That’s not the point. The point is that I’m not fine right now!

2. You can do so much better. Freshly dumped doesn’t want to hear about the next guy or girl. Let me mourn my new ex for a little while, please.

3. You’ll bounce back fast. Like I said before, I need some time to process that the person I loved isn’t mine anymore. I don’t want to think about bouncing back. I want to be stay right where I am: in hell.

4. That guy was a total jerk. I happened to have loved him or her, and yes, everyone has flaws. But right now, I don’t want to hear your opinion of him or her. This information is best saved for six months down the road when we are out at a bar having a few drinks and I can laugh about it.

5. Everything happens for a reason. My life isn’t an idiom. Please talk to me like a person, not with words that belong on a coffee mug.

6. God has a plan. If I want faith, I will attend church or synagogue this weekend. Please leave the man upstairs out of my love life. I will speak to Him when I feel like it.

7. It wasn’t meant to be. Perhaps the worst of the things you can say to me. Besides the fact that it’s a cliché, I’m still thinking he or she will reconsider, and that we could get back together. So, that might be what’s meant to be.

8. You’ll meet someone new in a second. Hear me out here. I am still MADLY in love! I don’t want to meet someone new. Not in a second or minute or hour or week or even this year. I want my guy (or girl) back!! I miss him (or her.) The possibility of meeting someone new is nauseating.

9. My gut says he cheated on you. The knife is still in my back and you are twisting it. I thought you were my friend! Again, this is something you might want to bring up to me in a few months, when I don’t care anymore. Honestly, a true friend would never share that information.

10. Move on! This phrase makes it sound like I’m going through airport security and I’m taking too long putting my shoes back on. Please let me go at my own pace. I have no idea when this pain is going to go away.

What is the most romantic moment you’ve ever experienced? E-mail: Jackie@loveessentially.com. Or, if you have a question or a comment you’d like to share with Love Essentially about dating, love or relationships, please do! All responses are confidential.

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